What Strength Looks Like These Days
When one thinks of strength, visions of Perseus lopping off Medusa’s head or soldiers lying in wait in World War I trenches might play through your mind. But these days, strength lies in self love and care.
My days are spent at home with four children; as a single parent with full custody during this pandemic, I am solely responsible for their wellbeing and safety. After I left my ex, I worked hard to be strong enough to bear the weight of all that responsibility. This pandemic has tested me; I have been brought to my knees more than once, feeling like I am failing and unable to meet everyone’s needs, especially my own.
However, when I was taking a shower this morning (who else loves shower thoughts?) I started thinking about strength and what it means to me. Is strength being able to cross everything off my to-do list, clean like a gorgon is breathing down my neck, and make the kids happy all the time? Is strength just about doing everything and being constantly productive?
Honestly, that would drive me crazy.
As we move into Autumn in my part of the world, I find myself wanting to sip tea lounging on my couch, wrapped in blankets with a book within reach. Arias from “La Boheme” play in the background while candles flicker, scenting the air with vanilla and spices. That doesn’t sound very productive, yet is there strength in rest and trying to find the flowers amidst the asphalt, the hope amongst the darkness? In working on loving ourselves and caring for ourselves when life has completely changed?
I believe so. Is it hard to do? Yes! As a parent, I am constantly needed and busy; before I lost my job due to the pandemic, I had to work to support my family and work on my dreams. Giving myself permission to rest and relax was hard enough as a stay at home mom, but as a working single mom? Extra difficult.
Now, I’ve come to realize that resting my body and mind is a necessity for survival. That doesn’t make it any easier, but I understand now that strength is just as much about accomplishments and physical manifestations as inner power and love.
Here are some examples of what strength looks like for me in this season of life:
Strength is…choosing to go to bed early to get enough sleep so I can make it through the next day, even when I would rather stay up and read or watch a movie.
Strength is…opening up and admitting that I’m sad and struggling, even when I’m scared of being judged for my emotions or for being “too much.”
Strength is…sitting at my laptop and writing, even when my email inbox has had more rejections than acceptances lately.
Strength is…reaching out to friends and loved ones when I need someone to talk to. It is also not picking up my phone when I find myself a little overwhelmed and unable to talk to others.
Strength is…saying no to things that aren’t fitting into my life and learning what is best for me right now.
Strength is…getting out of bed every day and meeting the day head on. Simple but true.
Strength is…planning fun things to look forward to, even when options are few. Even if it’s just a walk or a trip to get ice cream, it helps me to plan something so I can get out and feel like a person again. My wallet might not always thank me, but the kids and I enjoy it.
Strength is…laying down on the couch and listening to music because I just need to rest. Maybe even singing loudly along to my favorite Kpop songs and ignoring my kids’ concerned looks.
Strength is…letting my kids see me cry and teaching them that emotions are normal. I want them to know that home is a safe place for them to open up about how they are feeling, as well as know that crying is a natural release and there’s no shame in it.
Strength is…enforcing rules and teaching my kids to pick up after themselves more. They are still young, but old enough to start learning that we all have to work together in this family.
Strength is…putting on my favorite club songs and dancing in the kitchen while I wash dishes or cook. Seriously, my kitchen is the hottest place to be some days!
Strength is…opening up my heart and allowing love in, even when it’s scary or I’m worried I’ll mess things up. Receiving love and giving love have been amazing gifts during this hard time. Every day I am in awe and every day I am grateful.
Strength is…realizing that my expectations and goals for the year need to be tweaked and it’s not my fault. Things that I want to make happen are just going to take longer or they will have to come about a different way, but understanding that it’s okay and not a reflection of my shortcomings is strength. Self compassion is strength.
There is more I could add to this list, but I would love to know how strength looks for others right now. We can all learn from each other during this time. Someday, as hard as things are right now, I will be grateful for how much I’ve learned during this time and for the strength within me that kept me and my family going. Just keep going, one day at a time.
