Self Love, Self-care, and Hope Have Helped Me Face This Pandemic Straight On
Calm isn’t always easy to find during times of anxiety, stress, or sadness. We’ve been living through a pandemic for almost a year now, and finding the silver living isn’t as simple as we thought, but it’s there.
Being a single parent dealing with distance learning and job loss during a pandemic was never something I thought I would ever have to live through.
Yet, the months of being at home with my kids have taught me much about myself, including the fact that I am still healing from the trauma I lived through during my marriage. However, I have also learned how strong, resilient, and supportive I am. I am facing aspects of myself with a mirror and exploring parts of myself I had left in the dark. I am learning about who I really am and what makes me dream. I am learning about what a healthy relationship looks and feels like, and I am growing as a person, partner, parent, writer, and soon, a student returning to college to finish a degree.
There are days I feel unproductive, unmotivated, and lost. My mind is a foggy forest, dark and unwelcoming, and my thoughts might lean towards the negative more often than I wish.
It’s those days that I need to remember self-love, self care, and hope.
When you feel stuck in the same place every day and it’s hard to see the progress you are making, it can be easy to blame yourself.
‘What if I had done things differently?’ ‘This is all my fault.’ ‘Will I ever achieve my dreams?’
Those thoughts can spiral out of control and lead to more negative thoughts and in the end, you are only hurting yourself. That’s what helps me stop sometimes; I need to remember that I’m only hurting my own feelings with those kinds of thoughts and I would never speak that way to a loved one or anyone, for that matter.
This morning, I felt overwhelmed and struggled to find things to look forward to. I hadn’t slept well. So, I hugged myself in the shower, feeling the warm water fall on me like an embrace, and told myself that I am beautiful, strong, and intelligent. Building up a practice of self love and self compassion takes time and doesn’t happen overnight. It’s okay to take baby steps and make little changes in your day. What works for me may not work for everyone; experiment with different mantras and see how your mind and body responds to each one.
Since today started out rough, I started making a list in my head of my favorite self-care activities. The pandemic has changed that list a bit, but it’s okay. I’ve been able to work with it and find ways to feel better, even if it takes a few different tries. Sometimes listening to music can make me feel even more emotional or I am too tired to play video games. It’s okay to keep trying.
Even just writing out a list of self-care activities I like helps me. I remember how I felt when I was doing each one and then I start to feel myself calm down. Since I am home with my kids, I feel lucky that I have my coloring books, journals, video games, phone, books, and other things at my disposal if I’m having a tough day. Some days I wish I could go on a walk or do one of the self-care activities that isn’t totally ‘single parent during a pandemic’ friendly, but then I make sure to go down my list and see what helps. Reaching out to a friend or loved one helps me a lot; just feeling heard and validated can calm down the feelings swelling within.
Self-care isn’t just bubble baths or baking muffins. It’s also making sure to eat when you are hungry, drinking water throughout the day, sleeping, and eating healthy. I believe there’s nothing wrong in enjoying treats or pastries once in a while, but taking care of your body can help your emotions and mind as well. It can be fun to find new healthy recipes that not only taste delicious, but make you feel good. I feel like I’ve been treasuring myself a little more since I’ve made certain changes to my diet.
I also think self-care is closely linked to self-compassion; negative thoughts about myself or unfounded worries isn’t going to help me feel good or sleep well. Journaling can help with corralling those thoughts and keeping them from growing or spiraling out of control. Journaling is also a good way of remembering mantras or self-care activities. Writing articles on Medium especially helps me put my thoughts in order and remember self care tips.
Labeling an everyday activity as self-care could help as well. Taking out garbage, taking a shower, doing dishes, making coffee or tea, and other daily things that help us function also help us ‘care’ for our selves. Feeling like I’ve taken care of important tasks boosts my feelings up; I feel like I’ve been productive and can enjoy my home a tad more.
Hope, a word as slim as a sliver of moonlight, yet it holds so much.
It can mean a light in the darkness, a path through the woods, sun breaking through storm clouds, laughter where there once was none, freedom, and sunrises.
Hope can also be frightening, because to have hope means you believe better things are coming. Fear can cloud our minds and cause us to question everything: is better coming? Can I count on it? Will everything be okay?
There was a time in my life where I lost hope.
I don’t like to think about it, but it’s good to acknowledge that as part of my journey. I lost hope once, but then I found it again. It is possible.
Maybe the journey isn’t about taking huge steps every day or making grandiose, life-changing decisions all the time. Perhaps it’s more about the small, everyday steps that lead us towards hope, that lead us to brighter times.
I will be honest: losing my job and having to be home because of the pandemic and distance learning triggered me and reminded of the time when I had lost hope as a stay at home mom in an unravelling marriage. I have had to remind myself numerous times that my life is different now, I am different now, and I have options. I can make change happen again, like I did when I left my abusive ex. The pandemic will make that change take longer to arrive, but it’ll happen.
Self love, self-care, and hope can help in the meantime, during the waiting.
